Second Cancer Scan. Here Are The Results.

Every six months I am to endure a cancer scan. This is to ensure and detect if my cancer has come back. If you recall, my first scan revealed a disparity in my left breast yet again and the radiologist demanded I endure another biopsy. Breast biopsies aren't fun and games. A needle is injected into your breast and despite whatever pain medicine they use, you can still fell it and yes! It hurts a bit.

Anyway, the biopsy revealed nothing. Everything was good and I thanked God for His good graces.

Yesterday, I went for my second six-month breast cancer scan. I got a mammogram and an ultra sound. Again, the radiologist wanted to speak with me personally after the exam. The nurse told me he had a case before me so I waited thirty minutes for him in the receiving room. People who are in cancer remission know how excruciating painful it is to wait for a result. A million things go through your mind. Did the cancer come back? Am I going to die? I was expecting to hear the worst and saying to myself that these last 16 months of treatment were probably all a waste of my good time.

The radiologist's nurse assistant came out to speak to me. She told me everything was fine. There was no evidence of cancer and that I was free to go. And continue to live out my life stress free, till the next scan in January 2026. Again, I thank God for His continual good graces and I do plan to try to live stress free and not worry about anything till January.

I also met, last week, my new oncologist. I've transferred myself back to my local hospital because the other cancer center was just too far away. My husband always did the driving and he has to get back to his job. I can drive myself back and forth to our local hospital since it is under 10 miles away. Again, my new oncologist is pushing that I get yet on another drug infusion (Zometa, click here) because they are worried the current cancer-prevention drug I am on now (Letrozole, click here) is causing my bones to deteriorate. I had a DEXA-scan and it shows that my bones are slowly becoming brittle.

A DEXA (dual-energy X-ray absorptiometry) scan shows your bone mineral density, fat mass, and lean tissue mass. This test helps diagnose osteoporosis and osteopenia (low bone mass), predict fracture risk, monitor the effectiveness of treatments, and assess body composition for fitness and health purposes.

Right now I have osteopenia but the doctors are concerned I will get osteoporosis in the very near future. I have been fighting my cancer team on me getting yet another cancer drug infusion. Despite what 'they' say, the side effects at times, may not be worth it.

The side effects I am feeling already from just being on Letrozole these last six months is that I have neuropathy (click here) in both my hands and feet. The nerves in both my hands and feet are dying. At times it is too painful to sleep at night because my feet ache something fierce. Just putting on my sneakers or shoes can cause discomfort. Needless to say it is becoming more and more difficult to walk. I find myself leaning over to the left side and I have to re-correct my balance. Fear of falling is an understatement! I know that anyone who sees me walking will know instantly that there is something wrong with me. That causes embarrassment for me. I very rarely go anywhere alone now because I know I look like an easy target. 

The Letrozole is also affecting my hands. My left hand is completely swollen and crippled. Especially my ring finger, which I can no longer wear my wedding ring. It is becoming increasing difficult for me to do chores, prepare foods, do light cleaning, hold anything in my left hand because of the constant pain. Anyone looking at my hand will see that it is deformed and yes, again, I get embarrassed. 

Around three weeks ago, for some strange reason, my hair started falling out. Despite having my hair grow back from all the chemo treatments, I was finding globs of my hair all around me. I found out that after about three months on Letrozole, you start to lose your hair! Nice, eh? My hair had grown back to my shoulders and now I was losing it all again. I thought that perhaps since it had gotten so long, that if I had it cut short back again, the hair loss would stop. I took a scissor and just cut off my hair. (I've been cutting my own hair since the 1970s, so I knew what to do to get a pixie cut). I did a good job cutting my own hair. Hubby fixed up the back for me. My hair is still falling out BUT not as much. It's hopefully under control now and I won't go bald like I did back in my chemo days. 

I know. I know. I look like a mess. Old and sickly.

The last side effect I can think of from Letrozole, (which by the way I have to take from anywhere from five to ten years!!!!) is that I am understandably weak. I get dizzy when I stand up. When I walk throughout my home I have to hold onto the walls for steadiness. When I am outside in public I try my best to stand and walk as sane as possible. I really don't want anyone to notice how sick I truly am. Again, I feel embarrassed. The type of cancer I have, HER2+, means that the estrogen in my body is what fueled the type of cancer I had. The Letrozole inhibits my body from producing estrogen. Without estrogen, it is difficult to control my weight (I've gained 10 pounds already with no help in sight). Should my cancer come back, which it will (the doctor already warned me) it will come back first to my brain, then perhaps maybe to some other one of my vital organs such as the lungs or liver. If and when it does come back, it will be Stage IV (4) which means it's incurable but treatable. They will be able to continue to keep me alive (if you call this living) for a few more months or years.

And this is my life.

As I stated before, and I'll say it again: unless you have cancer, have had cancer or been involved with someone who has, you really won't understand what I am saying or what I am going through. Am I miserable? Sometimes. I go through my usual realm of 'woe-is-me' questions: "why me? how could God have done this to me?" I won't spare you from my oftentimes thoughts of suicide and just ending this madness I am enduring. What's it all for? What's the point? I know these thoughts are part of the side effects of the drugs I am taking. When I get this depressed and low, I reach for my rosary beads and start praying. God now is the only thing that gives me comfort. I know He is doing His best to keep me on this planet. I know He has some sort of purpose for me now. Maybe it's to help other cancer patients. I don't know. I have a husband who needs and adores me. A daughter and granddaughter who love me mightily. Perhaps my purpose is to continue to be present in their lives. Perhaps they just need me to be me.

This year I turn 75. What a milestone! My own mother died at 58 from cancer so I know what the pain is to lose a loved one. I don't want my family to suffer from my death like I did (my whole family eventually died from cancer. All that is left is me and my 71 year old sister). There's a consensus in the medical field that people over the age of 75 should NOT be treated for cancer any longer. Click here for that info. The only thing that I pray most of from God is to NOT let me die a cancer death. From what I have seen of the disease, a cancer death is prolonged and painful. I beg God to spare me at least that horror. 

Has cancer changed me? You bet it has! Only someone who is close to death can see the preposterous system of what living life is. I have no patience for stupidity anymore. And believe me, people are stupid! People value the wrong things, as far as I am concerned. They worry about money or placement or position. All these things are meaningless. I think King Solomon, from the Old Testament of the Bible had it correct: "Eat, drink and be merry". Ecclesiastes 8:15 (click here) That's about it folks. Everything else is just pure, plain noise. We came into this world with nothing and we will be going out the same way. 

King Solomon understands the corrupt world we live in. He looks at humanity's longing for control, striving for success and happiness, and calls it all vapor—a chasing after the wind. No matter our work ethic, good standing, or healthy choices, the preacher knows that the 'teacup' never stops spinning (Ecclesiastes 8:16). He describes life on earth as such:

"Again I saw that under the sun the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, nor bread to the wise, nor riches to the intelligent, nor favor to those with knowledge, but time and chance happen to them all. For man does not know his time. Like fish that are taken in an evil net, and like birds that are caught in a snare, so the children of man are snared at an evil time, when it suddenly falls upon them."

 If anyone has a hint or a tip that helped them get through any of their own cancer calamities, I would greatly appreciate it if you would share it with the rest of this community. I can start it off that for me, having a clean home is very important to me. All of my flooring in my home is either wood or laminate. The old bucket and mop I used to clean these floors with was no longer possible for me as my cancer treatments progressed. So, what worked for me, to get the job done more easily was the Swiffer Power Mop. I ordered it from Amazon, with a two month mailing subscription of their wood cleaner. It automatically is delivered to me when I would need it the most (like running out of the product). This is what worked for me. I can stop & go as I want, spot clean or whole house/room clean, based on my energy level that day. Is my house immaculate? Nope but it's clean enough and looks (and smells) fine enough for me!