And So My Path Begins.

The other day, my phone started to ring in the middle of the day. This was unusual since no one really calls me in the middle of the day. When I answered it, on the other end was a long time friend of mine. Apparently her sister was just diagnosed with Stage 2 colon cancer and she needed someone to talk to. That was me. She knew what I had been through and I would be an understanding ear. I listened. From my own experience, I knew what questions to ask, what medications were being prescribed and what the outcome could be with a Stage 2 diagnosis. We chatted back and forth. And then the two of us prayed together. In the end, I have learned, prayer is the best medicine of all. A certain kind of peace comes over you when you pray (at least for me) and somehow, someway, life becomes just a wee bit more tolerable. My friend had just lost her brother last month to lung cancer, so her sadness (and fear) were well understandable.

This morning, I got another phone call, this time from a neighbor. Her sister also is going through cancer treatment. Her sister just had a hysterectomy and is scheduled for her first round of radiation tomorrow afternoon. It is no coincidence that I will be in the radiology office tomorrow at almost the same time as these two ladies. I'm going for my six month follow up visit. It'll be perfect for me to meet her sister. I'm certain the two of us will have lots to talk about and find comfort in each other's cancer journey. I too had a hysterectomy (for different reasons) so I can understand what she is going through as well as her own cancer journey. It is very important, I have learned from my own experience, to have someone whom you can talk to who also faced what you are facing. It's super encouraging when you see they have gotten through and are on the opposite side. All is not lost. There really is hope and light at the end of the tunnel. 

A simple hug, or having someone hold your hand, can go a very long way towards finding some solace. I remember some of the nurses who were overseeing my treatment, reach down and simply hold my hand. Just that one little human touch made the infusions a bit easier to bear. I hope to pass that human touch down to anyone who may need it. Experience has taught me the value of that.

October is Breast Awareness month. My breast surgeon is sponsoring a fund raiser for the month of October. I'm hoping to help out and volunteer. One in eight woman will be diagnosed with breast cancer in their lifetime. Kindly remember to get your annual mammogram. 

Second Cancer Scan. Here Are The Results.

Every six months I am to endure a cancer scan. This is to ensure and detect if my cancer has come back. If you recall, my first scan revealed a disparity in my left breast yet again and the radiologist demanded I endure another biopsy. Breast biopsies aren't fun and games. A needle is injected into your breast and despite whatever pain medicine they use, you can still fell it and yes! It hurts a bit.

Anyway, the biopsy revealed nothing. Everything was good and I thanked God for His good graces.

Yesterday, I went for my second six-month breast cancer scan. I got a mammogram and an ultra sound. Again, the radiologist wanted to speak with me personally after the exam. The nurse told me he had a case before me so I waited thirty minutes for him in the receiving room. People who are in cancer remission know how excruciating painful it is to wait for a result. A million things go through your mind. Did the cancer come back? Am I going to die? I was expecting to hear the worst and saying to myself that these last 16 months of treatment were probably all a waste of my good time.

The radiologist's nurse assistant came out to speak to me. She told me everything was fine. There was no evidence of cancer and that I was free to go. And continue to live out my life stress free, till the next scan in January 2026. Again, I thank God for His continual good graces and I do plan to try to live stress free and not worry about anything till January.

I also met, last week, my new oncologist. I've transferred myself back to my local hospital because the other cancer center was just too far away. My husband always did the driving and he has to get back to his job. I can drive myself back and forth to our local hospital since it is under 10 miles away. Again, my new oncologist is pushing that I get yet on another drug infusion (Zometa, click here) because they are worried the current cancer-prevention drug I am on now (Letrozole, click here) is causing my bones to deteriorate. I had a DEXA-scan and it shows that my bones are slowly becoming brittle.

A DEXA (dual-energy X-ray absorptiometry) scan shows your bone mineral density, fat mass, and lean tissue mass. This test helps diagnose osteoporosis and osteopenia (low bone mass), predict fracture risk, monitor the effectiveness of treatments, and assess body composition for fitness and health purposes.

Right now I have osteopenia but the doctors are concerned I will get osteoporosis in the very near future. I have been fighting my cancer team on me getting yet another cancer drug infusion. Despite what 'they' say, the side effects at times, may not be worth it.

The side effects I am feeling already from just being on Letrozole these last six months is that I have neuropathy (click here) in both my hands and feet. The nerves in both my hands and feet are dying. At times it is too painful to sleep at night because my feet ache something fierce. Just putting on my sneakers or shoes can cause discomfort. Needless to say it is becoming more and more difficult to walk. I find myself leaning over to the left side and I have to re-correct my balance. Fear of falling is an understatement! I know that anyone who sees me walking will know instantly that there is something wrong with me. That causes embarrassment for me. I very rarely go anywhere alone now because I know I look like an easy target. 

The Letrozole is also affecting my hands. My left hand is completely swollen and crippled. Especially my ring finger, which I can no longer wear my wedding ring. It is becoming increasing difficult for me to do chores, prepare foods, do light cleaning, hold anything in my left hand because of the constant pain. Anyone looking at my hand will see that it is deformed and yes, again, I get embarrassed. 

Around three weeks ago, for some strange reason, my hair started falling out. Despite having my hair grow back from all the chemo treatments, I was finding globs of my hair all around me. I found out that after about three months on Letrozole, you start to lose your hair! Nice, eh? My hair had grown back to my shoulders and now I was losing it all again. I thought that perhaps since it had gotten so long, that if I had it cut short back again, the hair loss would stop. I took a scissor and just cut off my hair. (I've been cutting my own hair since the 1970s, so I knew what to do to get a pixie cut). I did a good job cutting my own hair. Hubby fixed up the back for me. My hair is still falling out BUT not as much. It's hopefully under control now and I won't go bald like I did back in my chemo days. 

I know. I know. I look like a mess. Old and sickly.

The last side effect I can think of from Letrozole, (which by the way I have to take from anywhere from five to ten years!!!!) is that I am understandably weak. I get dizzy when I stand up. When I walk throughout my home I have to hold onto the walls for steadiness. When I am outside in public I try my best to stand and walk as sane as possible. I really don't want anyone to notice how sick I truly am. Again, I feel embarrassed. The type of cancer I have, HER2+, means that the estrogen in my body is what fueled the type of cancer I had. The Letrozole inhibits my body from producing estrogen. Without estrogen, it is difficult to control my weight (I've gained 10 pounds already with no help in sight). Should my cancer come back, which it will (the doctor already warned me) it will come back first to my brain, then perhaps maybe to some other one of my vital organs such as the lungs or liver. If and when it does come back, it will be Stage IV (4) which means it's incurable but treatable. They will be able to continue to keep me alive (if you call this living) for a few more months or years.

And this is my life.

As I stated before, and I'll say it again: unless you have cancer, have had cancer or been involved with someone who has, you really won't understand what I am saying or what I am going through. Am I miserable? Sometimes. I go through my usual realm of 'woe-is-me' questions: "why me? how could God have done this to me?" I won't spare you from my oftentimes thoughts of suicide and just ending this madness I am enduring. What's it all for? What's the point? I know these thoughts are part of the side effects of the drugs I am taking. When I get this depressed and low, I reach for my rosary beads and start praying. God now is the only thing that gives me comfort. I know He is doing His best to keep me on this planet. I know He has some sort of purpose for me now. Maybe it's to help other cancer patients. I don't know. I have a husband who needs and adores me. A daughter and granddaughter who love me mightily. Perhaps my purpose is to continue to be present in their lives. Perhaps they just need me to be me.

This year I turn 75. What a milestone! My own mother died at 58 from cancer so I know what the pain is to lose a loved one. I don't want my family to suffer from my death like I did (my whole family eventually died from cancer. All that is left is me and my 71 year old sister). There's a consensus in the medical field that people over the age of 75 should NOT be treated for cancer any longer. Click here for that info. The only thing that I pray most of from God is to NOT let me die a cancer death. From what I have seen of the disease, a cancer death is prolonged and painful. I beg God to spare me at least that horror. 

Has cancer changed me? You bet it has! Only someone who is close to death can see the preposterous system of what living life is. I have no patience for stupidity anymore. And believe me, people are stupid! People value the wrong things, as far as I am concerned. They worry about money or placement or position. All these things are meaningless. I think King Solomon, from the Old Testament of the Bible had it correct: "Eat, drink and be merry". Ecclesiastes 8:15 (click here) That's about it folks. Everything else is just pure, plain noise. We came into this world with nothing and we will be going out the same way. 

King Solomon understands the corrupt world we live in. He looks at humanity's longing for control, striving for success and happiness, and calls it all vapor—a chasing after the wind. No matter our work ethic, good standing, or healthy choices, the preacher knows that the 'teacup' never stops spinning (Ecclesiastes 8:16). He describes life on earth as such:

"Again I saw that under the sun the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, nor bread to the wise, nor riches to the intelligent, nor favor to those with knowledge, but time and chance happen to them all. For man does not know his time. Like fish that are taken in an evil net, and like birds that are caught in a snare, so the children of man are snared at an evil time, when it suddenly falls upon them."

 If anyone has a hint or a tip that helped them get through any of their own cancer calamities, I would greatly appreciate it if you would share it with the rest of this community. I can start it off that for me, having a clean home is very important to me. All of my flooring in my home is either wood or laminate. The old bucket and mop I used to clean these floors with was no longer possible for me as my cancer treatments progressed. So, what worked for me, to get the job done more easily was the Swiffer Power Mop. I ordered it from Amazon, with a two month mailing subscription of their wood cleaner. It automatically is delivered to me when I would need it the most (like running out of the product). This is what worked for me. I can stop & go as I want, spot clean or whole house/room clean, based on my energy level that day. Is my house immaculate? Nope but it's clean enough and looks (and smells) fine enough for me!

Kindness In The Garden

When we returned back home from a 10 day summer beach vacation, I was expecting my veggie garden to be in full harvest. Hubby had set up an automatic sprinkler system. Many of the vegetables were just starting to bud so, I thought it only realistic that we'd have a semi abundance of peppers, zucchini, cucumbers, eggplant and tomatoes upon our return. I was wrong! Apparently since we weren't home, and our dog wasn't around barking, a few rabbits managed to sneak into our garden, under the fence and eat themselves into oblivion. Yes, they ate every single viable thing. There was nothing left.

When out neighbors heard of our misfortune, it didn't take them long to jump into action and share their overabundance with us! This is what I found on our doorstep the other morning:

Some other local neighbors of ours also brought over a ton of tomatoes, lots of basil and lots of cucumbers. Since then, I've been busy on my kitchen pickling the cucumbers into pickles, making tomato sauce, baked stuffed tomatoes, tomato salad with the basil and my all-time summer favorite: tomato/carrot soup with dill (the rabbits didn't eat my basil or dill but they did wipe out my parsley). I made two big batches of pesto (great in the winter over linguine) I froze as much as I could. The rest we ate almost every single night! Delish!!

Thank goodness for the kindness of strangers and the kindness of neighbors. A blessing, for sure!

This Blog Is For Cancer Patients, Cancer Survivors and Cancer Caregivers Only. If That Ain't You, I'd Advise You To Go Someplace Else.

There are only two types of people in America right now IMHO. The first ones are those who either have or are in remission from cancer. The others are those who are going to get cancer in the very near future. That's it people. Americans are bombarded with so many toxins, in their air, in their food, in their water, in their homes, in their environment, in their clothing, their furniture, their possessions, their housing conditions that it is almost impossible nowadays NOT to get cancer. Period.

Unless you have or had cancer, you really don't know what the heck I am talking about. It is only those who have or had experienced the disease do you understand anything that I am saying. Personally, if you never had cancer I really have no use for you anymore. You will NEVER understand what I am talking about or experiencing. There's a reason why cancer patients seem to stick together. It is only a fellow cancer survivor who can fully understand and comprehend what you are going through.

Nothing recently has affected me so much in my cancer journey than this motivational video from Judge Frank Caprio (America's Kindest Judge. Click here for more info about the judge.). Diagnosed with pancreatic cancer (the worst cancer to have) over a year ago, he had a relapse and made this plea to ask people to pray for him. Not even 17 hours after this cry for help, Judge Caprio died. That's what cancer is like. You NEVER know from one minute to the next what is or can happen to you. Anything can take you out. Only a fellow cancer patient can understand that theory. You can't plan anything. You can't hope. You can't expect. Because whatever a doctor may tell you, there is NO such thing as a cancer cure. Cancer cells once inside your body, remain inside your body. They may not come back for a decade, a year or even a month but trust me, they WILL come back and they WILL kill you.

Unless you are a cancer patient, survivor or caregiver any comment you worthless-piece-of-shit needs to make will be eliminated. I have no time nor any patience for your ignorance. Nobody cares a rat's ass about what you think you need to say. No one here is interested in your opinions or comments. My only request is that one day you too WILL get cancer and then and only then will you finally 'get it' and understand the fragility of life. You'll learn to regret what you said, what you felt, how you mistreated others and the uncaring statements you so foolishly made and stated. I just hope I'm still around to laugh in your face. That's the well deserved hatred I feel for bottom feeders, such as yourselves. 

Only my fellow cancer survivors, cancer patients and the magnificent cancer caregivers understand what I am talking about. We are a special brew, aren't we? Strong. Vital. God's Chosen Few.

This blog is dedicated to what we fellow cancer people experience and go through in our daily lives. I shall continue and carry on and document our precious lives and daily challenges. 

The rest can go rot in hell. May God continue to bless us.

Things Have Changed

 I was in search of a life. I was in search of meaning. Did my life have any more purpose? This is the point in my life where I have to ask AND answer those questions. When your life and time on this earth becomes limited, time is the only commodity left. Not money. Not possessions. Not anyone's opinion. Just you and the limited number of days ahead.

It really doesn't matter to me the state of our economy. Hubby and I have prepped for times like these for over 25 years ago. When I got my car repossessed back in 2002, just for missing ONE payment, I realized then and there that my life was simply rented. I think there will be a whole bunch of people who will learn this lesson now, today, tomorrow just as I did over two decades ago. No body cares what clothes you wear, what car you drive or the square footage you reside in. People are going to learn, unfortunately the hard way, that having a roof over your head, food on the table, essential utilities paid for and reliable transportation is ALL that is needed for a high quality life. Period.

I asked myself what I wanted to do, accomplish over the rest of my life. Truth was I didn't want to go to Italy. I didn't want to travel abroad or visit some remote, uncharted territory. Turned out I just wanted to stay home and enjoy what God has already given me. I do want to travel, however, but to get back to the basics I once prioritized. That was traveling around America. Seeing the Grand Canyon (please don't burn down until I get there!) and exploring more locations much closer to my home base.

This meant sprucing up our RV. We haven't used it in two years. We specifically bought it new in 2020 to spend our winters (3 months: January, February and March) in Florida. That first trip got shot down due to Covid back in 2020 and we haven't used it much since. Then I got diagnosed with breast cancer in 2023 and hubby recently diagnosed with Afib. So, between heart disease and cancer, aren't we a pair? LOL!!

It takes a certain kind of person to love camping. All set up!

A few months ago my good neighbor and friend asked me if I wanted to go to the movies. Normally I would turn down all invitations but we were going to see the new Bob Dylan movie, "A Complete Unknown" (click here) and seeing Dylan walk the streets of the Village in downtown Manhattan instantly brought me back to my own time when I also used to walk those same streets. The incident transported me back to the person I used to be back in the 1960s. Gosh, how we all can loose our way in life. I was so full of hope back then. I was so intent on living my best life possible. And then, as we all know, that very same life got in our way.

Not anymore. I don't give a rat's ass about this economy, the price of eggs or beef (because I can pay whatever it costs without batting an eyelash). I don't care who is the president, who is the king, who is in charge of the planet or what war in what part of the planet is raging. All of that is meaningless to me because it truthfully has no influence on my life. When you're facing death by cancer or heart attack, it is amazing how your prospectus changes.

As Bob Dylan said in his 2000 Oscar Award Winning song from the hit movie, also an Oscar winning film of 2000, Wonder Boys (click here):

"I used to care.

But things have changed."

So, how did hubby and I, after my great discovery, decide how to live out the rest of our lives? By first going to a Bob Dylan concert, of course. I found out, quite by accident, that 86 year old Dylan was touring the country with 94 year old Willie Nelson in Nelson's 10th Anniversary Outlaw Music Festival (click here for that info). I researched where and when they would be playing close to us in New York. Turns out they were performing up in the Adirondack Mountains at the Saratoga Performing Arts Center (click here). Direct tickets were only $38.50 for outdoor seating and chair rental was only $8. Tack on an administrative fee (of course) and for $125 hubby and I were scheduled to see the real, legendary Bob Dylan, an always idol of mine. It took hubby 4 days to scrub and get our RV ready. We booked a quiet RV site nearby and the rest is history.

THINGS HAVE CHANGED! 

I re-joined KOA (Campground Of America) click here. I've made several future reservations. We'll be spending a few weeks on several of our favorite beaches. We'll be back in Florida over the winter. Will we stay 3 months as we always dreamed of? Nope. Prices have risen BUT if we cut back a bit, it's still affordable. So, that's what we'll do. Thankfully our RV has a great full kitchen (oven, microwave, fridge & freezer, smart TV etc), I had to re-buy all new, toxic-free cooking utensils, dishes etc, as well as a plastic-free coffee pot and stainless steel pans BUT we will save a bunch of money by cooking all our meals in the RV (it also came with an outdoor grill!).  PLUS we will eat well and healthy. It took hubby four days to scrub and clean our RV and get it back in tip top shape. Everything still works (a/c, heat etc) and I'm grateful when we first bought the RV I spent big bucks getting a special-sized RV queen tempurpedic mattress with a comfy pillow top because getting a good nights sleep when camping is so important!

Here are some photos I took from the Bob Dylan concert. We got there early (3PM) so we sat close to the stage and we could see the actual performers. Plus, we were right under the big concert screen in case we missed something.

I love this last photo I took of Dylan. I'm having it blown up and made into a 8 X 11 photo to hang in my office. It's not crystal clear BUT it makes a unique picture. And every time I see it I will remember a great weekend. I will remind myself to be 'Forever Young' (my most favorite Dylan song):

Have You Noticed The Fees?

 I noticed something quite extraordinary (and expensive!) these last few weeks. Maybe you have too. Have you looked at your receipts lately? A few weeks ago, for the first time in a very long time, my husband and I went out for a late lunch/early dinner at a local restaurant here. When I looked at the bill (as all our fellow frugalistas are known to do) I noticed the restaurant changed us a 3% credit card fee. First off, how did they know we were using a credit card to begin with to justify the fee? Lastly, it was only $2 bucks, so I shrugged it off. We get back 3% from our charge card company whenever we buy groceries or dine out in a restaurant. So, I thought it to be naught.

Next I noticed a new sign being posted at one of my favorite grocery stores (of which I only shop their loss leaders). The sign stated that there was now a $1.99 (two bucks) charge added to any customer's bill  using a debit card. WTF? Isn't debit the same as cash, I asked myself? Why are they charging an extra two dollars whenever a customer is using their bank debit card? Nonetheless, I still wasn't deterred because it didn't affect me. There wasn't any added charged to my credit card and I was still getting that 3% back, remember?

Now comes the real game changer. I went to get a haircut at my favorite, long time salon on Tuesday and I noticed yet another big sign hung up by the cash register. Here in New York, customers are to be alerted if any additional charges will be added to a customers bill. In bright, bold letters, the hair salon announced that there was going to be an additional 4% added to a client's bill if they were using a credit card. To avoid the increase, cash and personal, established checks would reduce the additional fee. Since I didn't have neither the cash nor a check with me (who carries checks anymore) I paid the 4% additional fee but cut the tip. Geez, a girl's gotta live doesn't she? 

These three separate instances had me thinking. If I pay my home insurance, car insurance and RV insurance with a credit card, the insurance companies tack on an $8 a month additional fee. However, if you authorize the insurance company to do a bank withdrawal out of your checking or savings account, they only charge a $2 fee each and every month. When I sat there and thought about these additional fees, I realized I was paying my insurance companies an additional $72 a year just to pay my friggin' bills!!! 

In this economy, when all of us are looking for ways to save money, I quickly changed my insurance bills to autopay (at least my bank isn't charging me for that service. YET!!!) and I am now carrying cash AND my checking account blank checks. Just in case. Is my grocery store charging me fees? Not as far as I can see. But, who will be next on this fee list? What is going on? Every corporation, every company, everyone and their brother are charging the consumer (that's you and me) fees, fees and more fees. 

Prices are going up. Most everyone is struggling to survive. Many are concocting new and ingenious ways to separate you from your money. Be alert, folks! Read the small print. Don't be too quick to whip out your credit card and swipe to pay a bill. Maybe it's time for many of us to go back to the well established 'envelope system'. 

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East Lyme, CT

 Hubs and I spent a few special days in East Lyme, CT. (click here). Sometimes, all you need is a few days (and night) at the ocean. Nothing beats that salty breeze coming off the Atlantic Ocean. Found a good spot to get $6 fresh sea food sandwiches (flounder) and sky high ice cream cones for only three bucks. Delish. Bridges that open and close for the next passing sailboat. Clamming and sunsets. Sometimes just simply standing still and watching the sea-faring world pass you by. Priceless.